God is loving and He loves you. He will not force you, but died to give you a real choice about life. You do not have to stay a slave to sin and the pain it always causes. He offers you forgiveness and deliverance, won by the death of His dear Son, Jesus. Since this forgiveness is based on Christ, not on us, He is able to forgive us, no matter how sinful we may have been, if we accept it from Him.
God calls you to give your heart to Him so that He can forgive you, change you, and work more freely to bless and help you. Ask Him to save you, to guide you, and to help you each day. Then trust fully that He will do this for you. He loves you and longs to help you. He's just waiting for you to choose Him. Trust His guidance, trust His word as given in the Bible. Serve Him with all your heart and you will not be disappointed, for you will see and understand His wondrous love demonstrated toward you.
He's real! And you can test Him out and find out that this is so. Try Him! You won't be sorry. If you seek Him with all your heart, you WILL find Him! Don't give up--He's waiting for you.